Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is Oprah even human
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