I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
