i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
