shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
tell me about the eggs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
