I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
