You just made me feel so damn special
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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