All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
