the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
