I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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