at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
