i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we're so committed to being not committed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
