i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
