Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
