someone threw a dead crab at me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize