in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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