Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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