Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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