i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
