you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
