I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
