____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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