I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
