Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
