I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
