Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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