The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
