i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
