Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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