is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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