I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
