Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
