you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
