and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
