He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
