Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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