Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
