But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
