Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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