I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
