She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
