Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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