I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
