from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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