Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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