how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize