Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
