my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
