I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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