my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
