proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize