There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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