I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
