Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
