...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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