I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
