Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
