I've blown a few things in my day
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
