Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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