what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
