I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
