Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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