i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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