You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
