After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
