Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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