i think my tv is drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
