I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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