I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize