so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
