please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
