The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize